Experiences of a Ugandan wedding

Late in 2012 we had the privilege of attending the wedding functions of a member of our church home group. I have been meaning to blog about it for a while but have been preoccupied with other things.

In Uganda, a wedding is not just a ceremony and reception as in most Australian weddings. It involves at least two ceremonies, usually on different days - the traditional one, called an Introduction, and the church or civil ceremony with reception. The Introduction is the one least like the familiar Australian wedding. It stems from the Ugandan tradition in which a woman formally 'introduces' the man she wants to marry to her parents and family members. The man brings his family members along as well as gifts to show his appreciation to the bride's parents and demonstrate his financial resources (see this blog, especially the latter part, for a more detailed description of the process and ritual of engagement and introduction, from an outsider's point of view).

The modern Ugandan Introduction seems to have become quite a production in comparison to what might once have been quite a modest and sincere occasion. In some cases, the dowry is not so much offered by the groom as demanded in specific detail by the bride's family (we want 10 cows, 2 goats, this many baskets of fruit/vegetables, a new dress for each aunt…). It is an occasion on which the groom wants to make a good impression on all present, and the bride's family want to be seen to be gaining a worthwhile son-in-law (see this article for some surprising wedding 'cons'). The groom usually holds a series of 'wedding meetings' with his friends and supporters to plan the occasion and raise the money needed, as the cost of the wedding and bride price is borne not by the individual or by one of the families, but by the community (on the groom's side).

Gifts lined up ready to take to the Introduction.

On the morning of the Introduction we arrived at the rendezvous point at 8.30am as instructed, having been told the function would begin at 11.00 and we'd all go together in several cars. The dowry gifts of baskets of fruit and vegetables, 20kg bags of rice and sugar, crates of coca-cola, a box of laundry soap and a custom-made chair for the father of the bride were gathered and wrapped (where possible) at that house and squeezed into cars. We finally left the house at 11.30am to drive to the venue, which was in a suburb a bit further out of Kampala. There was one stop on the way in order to rendezvous with more guests in more cars, and then we proceeded, arriving at the venue close to 1pm. We waited outside with the groom's family and friends as other guests on the groom's side arrived. Finally, just before 2pm, a man who was waiting outside with us told us it was time to go inside. He addressed everyone in Luganda but then translated the instructions into English for us. Basically, we were to follow what everyone else did - sit when they sat, stand when they stood, and speak when spoken to! This man turned out to be a hired speaker who would be the groom's spokesman for the ceremony. There was another one for the bride's side.

We lined up, men in one line and women in another, ready to go in the gate. The spokesman knocked on the gate and announced our arrival and then came the reply: 'What are you all doing here disturbing my family on a Saturday afternoon?*' Huh?? I thought we had come for a wedding. Weren't they ready for us? The spokesman was ready: 'One of us is sick and needs a doctor. We heard this was the doctor's house.' Oh? The reply came: 'Ok, I will send out some people to help you'. Four young women dressed identically in wrap-around dresses came out and began to pin ribbons on each of us (this was to mark us out as guests for when we eventually went in). Our spokesman thanked the occupants, and they replied: 'If that is all, you can go now'. Our spokesman was ready again: 'Actually, we have a young man here who wants to see one of your daughter.' The other spokesman replied, 'What would he want with my daughters? They are still in school.' 'Oh, no he wants to see your other daughter, the one who has finished studying'. 'Oh well, I'm sorry but she is away in London.' What?? Why wasn't she here when she was supposed to be introducing her husband? 'Then please bring her back as we want to see her.' 'It will cost a lot of money. You will have to pay to bring her back.' An envelope was then handed through the gate, and I began to understand that there was an element of farce and performance in this ceremony.

The 'doctors' come out to see to the visitors.

We were finally allowed to enter the gate, and took our seats in the courtyard of the house, facing the bride's family. Her 'father' and 'mother' (her brother and an aunt to stand in for her late parents). There were some introductions made by the spokesman, and fairly early on the bride's spokesman asked who we were and so we had to stand up and introduce ourselves. I guess we stuck out a bit! We were served sodas and then the bride's 'sisters' (probably her sister plus other young female relatives) were sent out to dance a bit and it was pointed out by the groom's side that none of these was the woman they were here to see. Then the bride's aunts came out and danced a bit, and then went out and returned with the bride. At one point they also danced into the groom's side of the party to search out the groom, who was right at the back. They brought him to the front and sat him with the bride.

The bride dancing with her aunts (ssenga)

Over the course of the rest of the event, the bride changed outfit five times, the women on the bride's side danced some more, the two spokesmen bantered and joked a lot (to allow time for the bride's outfit changes!), the gifts were brought in and presented, there were some speeches by various representatives from both sides, and it gradually got darker. Around 6pm dinner was served buffet style. We hadn't eaten anything much since breakfast so we were quite keen to line up, but as we started to go and line up with the rest of the groom's side, we were told that we were to be taken inside the house to eat with the bride and groom. This was a great honour to us as we were included among the bridal party. As is tradition, the bride and her aunts served the groom and his close family representatives (his best man, an aunt, and us). We ate beef stew, rice, chapati, and a special wedding dish called lowombo which is cooked inside a banana leaf. There were many guests on the bride's side who had come a long way (from the eastern part of Uganda near Kenya) so dinner was served and eaten quickly and then the cake was cut and the function closed so that those guests could begin the long journey home.

The gifts are carried in.

A lot of what happened during the event was completely opaque to us because most of the ceremony was conducted in Luganda and translated into the language of the bride's family from the east. Only some of it was translated into English (purely for our benefit). An article I found written by a Ugandan who has been through the experience himself helped me understand it better and it might be worth skimming through if you have time so you can also understand the point of the more surprising details I have mentioned.

Two weeks after the Introduction, we attended the church wedding ceremony at St Paul's Cathedral on Namirembe hill. As the first cathedral in Uganda, it is a historical building and the most sought-after wedding ceremony venue in the country. We even heard of a Danish couple coming especially to get married there because the groom's father had been married there! The ceremony was much like our own Australian wedding ceremony in many ways, with a church minister, bride, groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, prayers, Bible readings, a brief sermon, singing, and the signing of the register. At the conclusion of the ceremony the cathedral emptied quickly, and when we had been outside for about 5 minutes I could hear noise coming from inside the cathedral. I looked in to see another bride walking up the aisle. That was a quick turnaround, I thought. But when I looked more closely I noticed that there wasn't just one bride, but four! Four couples were being married in the one ceremony! When we asked our friends about it, they told us that was quite normal for the afternoon timeslots at the cathedral. If you want your own private ceremony you have to have a timeslot before 2 or 3pm and you have to pay a bit more. There is wedding ceremony basically every hour on most Saturdays, and if you are late by a certain amount, they can refuse to marry you.

*The dialogue as represented here is not verbatim, but as close as I can remember. The semantics are roughly accurate, if not the words and grammar!